Shopping at Christmas: an uncle’s manifesto to the retail world

Being the “World’s Greatest Uncle” to six girls is a more daunting task than I ever thought. This Santa is waiving the white flag. The situation is critical and I’m running out of time trying to shop for a 12, 11, and 8 year old that are still on the list. All I know is that retailers have me on the run and it’s time to fight back.

Any good battle plan starts with a cold, hard look at reality. Here it is: “Santa” is unemployed this year, still waiting for that Lexus with a big bow wrapped around it to magically appear in his driveway, and looking at a Christmas list from the girls where over half the items have at least three digits before the decimal. As the phrase “even Santa has a budget” pops into my head another dilemma arises.

You see, I’m shopping for girls who live four hours away, I have no idea what half these items are—can someone explain to me what that DS something with a light is?—and there’s no help in sight. I’ve used my lifeline to call “mom” and she’s not answering. I hear the voice of Regis Philbin in my head asking “Is that your final answer?” as I have until the end of the day to buy and ship in time for Christmas.

Thus I offer you my manifesto to the retail world.

1. Make clothing sizes consistent and clear. Holding something up and trying to judge if it will fit is like driving with a blindfold. I’ve now learned that 3T doesn’t fit a pre-teen. I’ve also learned not all designers use the same size charts, never mind that even when they do an X for one is XL for another. Don’t get me started on how girls’ and women’s clothes always cost more than boys’ and men’s. 
2. Offer—and stock—larger sizes. Plus sizes for girls are rarely in stock and even more rarely stocked to begin with. That means turning to the women’s section. Let me tell you, translating from girls’ sizes to women’s sizes is like switching from “English” measurements to metric without a converter chart.
3. Learn the look of a guy in trouble, or who seems lost. Guys who are out shopping for the female on their list—no matter her age—can always use advice. More than once I’ve been saved on a shopping trip by identifying the nearest mom and asking her advice. They know what works, what doesn’t, and where to find it.
4. Use technology to offer more on-the-spot help. Play to men’s well-documented love of technology and the too-common “I won’t ask for help” egos. Webchat, smartphone apps, and Twitter personal shopping assistance with store map links would be a great start. They also play to the “sometime caveman” in just about every guy who just wants someone wise to tell them what to get and where to find it without bruising their ego by publicly asking for help.

Like most of life it all comes down to this: keep it simple, keep it relevant, and make it accessible. After all, the sight of a sobbing man in the girl’s clothing section is never pretty.